Are our hopes and fears, real material things or are they constructions of future scenarios that may never come to fruition? When I dream or imagine the future possibilities that lie ahead of me, am I in fact ignoring present opportunities that are tangible and real in favor of imagined scenarios where my dreams are fluid and changing. Why do we constantly, and by we I infer me, live in our future times, rather than embrace all the possibilities of the here and now. Is it the legacy of reading Hamlet as a teenager, the procrastinator, the idler, the man without presence in the moment, incapable of doing and acting upon a whim. If words are wind then hamlet must have been the equivalent of a force 5 hurricane. Actions define us, define the possibilities seen and unseen that present themselves to us along the journey through life, why then do I prefer inaction to action. Am I not merely limiting the future me, by hoping, for a future that cannot be achieved without a present I. Maybe I,m just spoofing myself, I have been know to do that, but still I think even the obvious things in we can find ourselves lacking. Only on reflection,a reflection that is bound by a time limit, can we look inwards and ask ourselves, am I the man I wanted to be? Is that man a reality or a myth? Can I in my own self be true? What would the poor wee gossum think, would he take the time to reflect upon the obvious and challenge the everyday, speak just to hear the sound of the undulations of energy passing through the air. If words indeed are wind, as I believe they are, are they not akin to the sounds of the sea, the great body of water working upon the shore, energy realized, action taken, beauty revealed. God I love the sea, how can anything man can say reach the level of purity that the sea speaks. To be present in the company of the ocean, to breathe it in and let it overcome you, it is one of the only things in life that comes close to the primordial sense of presence in the moment. As Joyce put it: "the sea , the sea, the snot green sea, the scrotum tightening sea". It just makes you want to wade in and drown yourself in its power and raw energy.
Coming back to school, primary that is, after the summmer holidays, we would always be asked to write an essay about MY SUMMER HOLIDAYS. Now summer holidays in my house consisted of staying at home and building tree house and damming same streams in the countryside, so I would always lie and wrote about my day at the seaside. Jesus I never saw the sea until I was about fourteen years old, and me a Pisces. this is all beside the point I originally started out upon, but is that another way to say that were we find ourselves presently is only a set of choices that will lead away from where we are and towards where we will be. As an exerscise in writing this may not be my strongest effort, however, why would I ever start writing if I knew where I was going to end up, much the same as live experience, enjoy the ride. It was fun while it lasted. G
